Fact # 8

I'm really self conscious. Really bad. But the weird thing is, I don't care if I go out of the house wearing sweatpants, t-shirt and a hat. Nor do I care what people think of me. Go ahead, think I'm mean, or quiet, or a b*tch. My life will go on whether or not if you like me. But I don't want people to judge me. Make sense? Ya I don't get it either. For instance, I had two small moles on my forehead above my left eye. I've had them there for as long as I can remember. Only one of them bothered me. Why? Because it was "growing", I felt it was the first thing people saw, and Andersen starting asking what it was. So I went to my dermatologist and had it removed. And if you've ever had a mole removed, you have to keep it covered...so here I am walking around at work and anywhere else with a band-aid on my forehead not caring what people thought. But that damn mole caused me more 'anxiety' than anything else. Funny thing was, people at worked asked what happened and I told them I had a mole removed. Their response "You had a mole there?"... Or like my TB forehead...(TB stands for the Ty.ra Ban.ks-have you seen her forehead) anyways, I hate it. So maybe my brothers and sisters have made fun of it a few times. Or told me that I could plan corn in the wrinkles that I have. Or maybe it was the guy from high school who would rub it before a test for good luck...whatever the reason, I hate it. It's big. Hence why I always have to have bangs. And why when I'm in pictures I have to be on the right so my forehead doesn't look so big. What was even worse was the receding hair line...you know, like the one my brother's have when their hair is grown out. But thankfully for my pregnancy and the crazy hormones, I finally have grown hair so it's not so receding anymore. Let's see..I hate my profile. My nose is at a slant and I don't like it. I use to be self conscious about a mole I have on my upper right thigh (the exact spot where Kip and Andersen have one) that when I was younger and was caught in a bathing suit or shorts, I would walk with my hand covering it. Thankfully I have grown out on that issue, but it has been replaced with many more. So many "flaws" that I hate, yet no one else sees? Or maybe they do and they don't care? Whatever the reason, this is why I hate how Holly.wood puts an image out there that you have to be this picture perfect person. No freckles, no moles, perfect profile, perfect weight and perfect height. Slowly but surely I'm getting ok with my flaws...like at a snail's pace ok with them. Why? Because Andersen will love me no matter what.